Can My Relationship And My Children Coincide?

Marriage can be difficult enough without adding children to the mix.  When children are involved, what started off as difficult could very easily become really ugly!  Many parents, in this day and age, are dedicated to their children and also spend a great deal of time at work.  Unfortunately, many parents keep moving on without ever considering what this does to their own relationship with each other.  Here are a few tips to help you out:

You should have dates throughout the month that do not include your children. While on this date, do not discuss your children. Talk about yourselves, your own experiences, and enjoy each other’s company.

Have your own space and time for yourself. That includes taking a break from your family.  You cannot commit 100% to the family and zero time for yourself. You are an individual person who needs that time to find your own distinctive qualities and your own idiosyncrasies. Take off on a weekend, do a day trip somewhere or whatever time you need to unwind. You and your partner need to make plans to just break from family and go off together and have fun as well as taking off individually to have fun.

While out on your own date (just you and your partner), ask each other questions such as “how can I improve my side of the relationship”, “how would you grade me”, “what 5 DVD’s would you take if you were going to be deserted on an island”?  Do it in good humor but learn from each other on the upsides and the downsides of life.

Never, ever argue about your children in front of them. This is without doubt a huge no – no! Your children will see your arguments and decide who is the good parent and who is the bad parent and that will lead to major resentments from both sides. Keep your arguments about your kids away from your kids, as they shouldn’t have to decide who is right and who is wrong.

If one parent has ruled on something the kids want to do, don’t turn around and give the opposite response.  Unless it’s a situation that could have safety ramifications, it’s not a good idea to say no when your spouse said yes and vice-verse.  Talk to your partner after it is all said and done and discuss what you would have preferred to have happen.  If this happens often, it may be a good idea to sit down together and talk about it.  If you can’t figure it out, set up a session or two with a therapist to talk about how to agree on a parenting plan you can both feel good about.