Can Relationships Survive Cheating?
When you marry, you are walking into rules, do’s and don’t s and a completely different way of life. There are some rules that do get broken with little damage incurring within the marriage. An Affair is not one of those minor infractions. Adultery or affairs have broken up more couples than just about anything else. It’s one of those rules that most people cannot forgive and forget. It destroys trust which is the bond that keeps couples firmly together. That is not to say that marriages cannot be saved after affairs. Relationships can absolutely recover from an affair if both people want to work it out and they are willing to do the work to rebuild trust and their connection. Most of these cases do involve couples therapy and a great desire to forgive the unfaithful spouse. Disloyalty is not just one spouse having an affair, there are other situations such as a spouse having an emotional connection with someone else. This someone else might not even be on the scene, it could be someone whom your spouse once dated and just never quite got over. Your spouse or partner needs to learn how to give it up and move on with you. Discussing these things in therapy can actually heal wounds and get both people back on track.
Even though physical relationships outside of the marriage are the most common, there are other situations that can be just as damaging. If your spouse continually confides in someone else regarding their deepest feelings that they cannot share with you, this often means that you are no longer the most important person in their life. Unfortunately, with the ever growing internet lifestyle, this type of conduct is becoming more and more common and easier than ever to do. Whatever the cause may be, you and your partner must get to the bottom of the problem if you hope for a reconciliation.
Signs of disconnection and disloyalty usually arise when one of you believe your needs are not being met or even considered. Bad feelings and jealousy will arise. In some cases, love has disappeared out of the relationship for one partner but the other remains in the relationship for a number of reasons including a sense of responsibility, belief that the problems are temporary and will go away on their own, or believes marriage is a lifelong commitment and they are willing to stay even if they are not feeling connected or happy. This spouse might be staying in the relationship because they are still in love with the other spouse or maybe it’s ego but in many cases, at some point that spouse will also start looking for a romance and/or support outside of the marriage. This can often cause an inevitable and total collapse of the relationship.
Many times people stray because they no longer feel a fulfillment within the marriage whether it’s sexual or emotional. This usually is on the surface and not the root of the problem and the only way any form of healing can begin is if both parties want it to happen and both are willing to participate in open, honest communication.
If one person feels that the love in the relationship is dead or dying, it makes the job of a couples therapist quite difficult. One upside is that therapy has been sought out which suggests that this person does want healing in the relationship but suffers from various conflicts within themselves. Even if you had to drag your partner to therapy, they did come. There is something to be said about that. A professional therapist can dig deep below the superficial issues and get to what is really going on. Keep in mind, that being open and honest tends to come easier when you are comfortable, which it is important for both you and your partner to feel comfortable with the therapist you choose.
If you live in California and are looking for a therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.