How to rekindle the passion in my relationship?

Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach, California.

When couples first fall in love, the fires of passion are super-hot but over time the flames of passion seem to die away because there are no attempts to fan the flames on a regular basis. When was the last time you stared into each other’s eyes, made out for hours at a time, got so excited when your partner came home early that you stopped everything to hear about their day. These are examples of “fanning the flames”.

There are many couples who seek out couple’s therapy because the passion is gone and they are not really sure why. In many cases this has nothing to do with feelings toward each other, but more likely due to other forces at work such as your children, your career and overall busy lives. Other activities in your life seem to take center stage and your relationship with your spouse is sitting in the back row. For the most part this happens because you have the belief that your partner will be there tomorrow, but the job opportunity might not be. The bottom line is, passion is critically important in your relationship and therefore those fires must be fanned regularly in order to get those fires burning brightly!

I’m Not Happy But I Don’t Know How To Fix It:

There are common statements made to therapists all the time including “My relationship is not working and I am not happy” and “I don’t know how to get the attention from my partner”. Unfortunately, most couples are not able to tell why happiness has disappeared or how to solve the problem. Some couples actually believe that over time relationships are supposed to burn out and that feelings of passion and desire just naturally die down! This kind of mind set is what cause the problem to begin with and causes couples to slowly drift apart and believe that’s okay.

Many people do seek out professional help through couple’s therapy because although they are not happy, they are also not ready for the fires to be snuffed out. Sadly, many couples are paying way too much time on other areas of their lives; they have totally forgotten what brought them together to begin with.

Rediscover Your Relationship:

There are no good guys and bad guys, there are couples who need to re-learn or re-invent their relationships. Getting back to the basics in their relationship is extremely important and should be put ahead of all these other activities that have sent their relationship to the back row. It’s time that this aspect of their lives returns to the center stage.

Unfortunately, when you are unhappy in your marriage, it will often spill over into other areas of your life, causing misery all the way around. Your job will annoy you, your kids will get on your nerves and you will lose interest in sports and hobbies.

You Can Make It Happen:

Although it’s not an easy problem to correct, with couple’s therapy, you can often get to the core of the problem and things can turn around. It takes both parties wanting to get back the basics of love, working together and remembering what brought them together to begin with. Through talking things out, you will remember what you were both doing back when, but are not doing any longer. Romance and passion can often be rekindled starting with a trip down memory lane as well as learning some new skills for constantly reinventing your relationship to meet where you are in your lives.

Not all people are alike, where one partner might want the gift of spending time together; the other might like getting flowers once in a while. The core of the issue rests in rediscovering what made your relationship tick to begin with. Once you find the common core, doors will open wide with passions that have been absent for too long and have kept you apart.

If you have a very busy schedule, seek a therapist who meet you online, bringing their expertise to you when you need it and a convenient time and space.

If you live in California and are looking for a couples therapist, please call us at 562-310-9741.