Am I with the right partner?
Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach.
Everyone in every walk of life has a mental image of what their ideal partner should be like and look like. We all have a strong image about that person that we have created in our minds. In most cases, that perfect person doesn’t really exist except for in our heads. Ask yourself, if this person really did exist and entered your life, would you really like each other? There is an upside to all of this as well. When you finally do meet that someone you were meant to be with, your opinion of perfect will alter. You will start to appreciate that their characteristics and even their looks are more important and more magnetic than your previous beliefs of what your perfect partner was supposed to look like and be like.
Unfortunately, there is no litmus test that can be performed to give you all the answers. These answers lie deep inside yourself and need to come to the surface to be recognized. Spending time together is the only way you will discover if this person is the right person for you. Spending time together will reveal many differences as well as interests. You will also find habits that will get on each others’ nerves; we all come with great qualities and not so great qualities, that’s who we are! Embracing these discrepancies along with rejoicing over the great facets of each other will lead to a very fulfilling, promising relationship. Great relationships are built on trust, tolerance, giving and taking, it’s hard work and not a fairy tale.
Sometimes, in relationships, both parties are not as equally giving when it comes to moving their relationship to the next level. Possibly your partner is putting themselves out there and opening up, but you are holding back. Possibly you have fears of commitment due to something in your past that you are just not willing to share (or perhaps you don’t even know what the reason is yourself). This can be keeping you from giving yourself fully to your partner. If you are experiencing road blocks, it might be a good time to seek help with couples therapy or individual therapy.
Marriage can be a great deal of work and at some point in time reaching out for the help of a therapist might just be the difference in seeing your marriage succeed or fail. A happy marriage does not start and end with riding off into the sunset or being swept off your feet by a Prince Charming (or Princess Charming). When you discover that perfect partner, know you are both coming into the relationship with your own wonderful qualities along with your own disadvantages. Communicating and listening to each other can make those bonds stronger with each passing day.