Do you have a child who complains of being ill or breaks into tears every morning before they are due to go to school?
One of the most common questions I am asked by parents is about how they can handle this sort of situation. Their child will cry every morning when being dropped off at school, yet who is fine for the rest of the day.
You have to put on your detective hat to find out what the underlying issue may be. Do they not feel safe at school because of bullying, are they embarrassed because they are having trouble learning, or is there a genuine medical issue? If it’s a fear issue, talking to a teacher or school counselor may help, whereas a chat with your family doctor may help with medical problems. This is not a situation that you can leave alone in hopes of it being a phase. If it is a fear issue, and you don’t do anything to help, your child may grow up feeling unloved and unsupported, which can lead to further issues as they age. Children need our guidance, and often, left without direction, their problems get worse and worse. In elementary school they beg you not to go to school and by middle school or high school they just skip class to solve their own problems.
If they are in a safe environment, then there are some things that you can do to make the drop off go more smoothly.
Things to do before you leave home:
- Call the teacher, with your child around to hear, and discuss the possibility of meeting them outside of school hours. Keep in mind that the teacher spends a great deal of time with your child on a daily basis, and they may have some suggestions that will help alleviate this issue. Your child is more than likely not the first one that the teacher has had this sort of experience with, so they may well be able to give you some very good insight into what is going on.
- Talk to the parents of other children in the class and try to arrange play dates with the kids. This will help your child build new friendships, and will also give them something to look forward to when it’s time to go to school. Before you know it, they will be more excited about seeing their friends, which takes the focus off of missing you when you are gone.
Things to do before you drop them off:
- Figure out the most comfortable scenario for your child. Do they prefer to get there early and sit with friends for a little while, or are they calmer when dropped off right before the morning bell?
- Don’t prolong the dropping off process unnecessarily. Give them a quick hug and a kiss, tell them that you love them, and that you will be there to pick them up when school is over. Always make sure that you are there to pick them up on time, as having them come out of school to see that you are not there will only help feed into their fears.
- Don’t allow them to pull you into their stalling tactics. If they start fussing and crying or asking you numerous questions, take their hand, pass them over to the teacher and leave. Don’t hang around, and don’t look back, as doing so will indicate that you are nervous about the situation. Seeing you leave shows them that you believe they are confident enough to handle what is going on. When you talk to the teacher before or after school, you can always ask the teacher to take your child’s hand so the child feels supported in the class.
If you have tried all of these things and the problem persists, make an appointment to see a therapist, either with your child or on your own. You can call Long Beach Therapy at 562-310-9741 to set up an appointment.