My child told me they are gay. My Child told me they are lesbian. How can I support them?
Most parents have dreams of what their children will be like when they grow up. From wondering where they will go to college to visualizing their wedding; parents want the absolute best for their children. However, as most people know, life can throw some unexpected curve balls. Having a teenager come out as gay or lesbian can be something a parent may not have expected. This may leave parents questioning how they can best support their child during this part of their life.
First, please be aware how lucky you are. Your child has decided to be completely vulnerable with you and tell you something that is very scary for them to share (scary because they aren’t sure of your reaction, yet they told you anyway). Sit with that for a moment. Be thankful. Gay and lesbian teens are at a much greater risk of attempting and committing suicide compared to straight teens. Their risk of hurting themselves goes down drastically when they have a parent/adult in their life who fully supports them.
Below are a few tips on how to support your teenager when they come out:
- Reassurance
Reassure your child that everything is going to be okay. Coming out at any age is scary, but coming out as a teenager is terrifying for many reasons. As a parent, it is important to remember that your child looks up to you and will need reassurance during this time. They might be scared that you will not accept them or fear that the relationship you two have will change. The best way to put an end to your teenager’s worries is by reassuring them that you will be there no matter what. - Listen
Perhaps the easiest way to support your teenager during their coming out process is simply by listening. If they have been closeted for many years and just gained the courage to tell you, they might want to talk about how they feel. If they are scared, happy, nervous or excited – listen to them. You will learn more about them just by listening and they will appreciate open and supportive conversations. - Learn
Humans understand things better when they are willing to learn. Books, podcasts, videos and support groups are some of the many different ways for parents to learn. If you are not familiar with what a gay or lesbian person might experience, the best way to understand is by learning. You are not the first person to have a gay/ lesbian child so use that to your advantage! Get in touch with parents who have been there before (check out PFLAG), listen in on a podcast or watch some helpful videos! Your child will appreciate that you are willing to learn something new for them. - Love
Though it might sound obvious to say that it is important to love your child, it is not always the case for gay/ lesbian children. In fact, some people decide to stay closeted because they fear that they will lose their parents’ love if they speak their truth. This is why it is crucial to say “I love you” when your teenager comes out to you. As their parent, it is necessary to show them that they are loved and appreciated. Having a parent that shows unconditional love is crucial when a teenager comes out as gay/ lesbian.
If you live in California and are looking for a LGBTQ therapist to help you learn to support your gay or lesbian child in the best way possible, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.