Tips on coming out to your parents.

Written by an LGBTQI therapist in Long Beach.

Talking to your parents about your sexual orientation or gender identity can be an essential part of your coming out journey. Yet, it is not always an easy task. You never know how someone is going to react until you tell them yourself.

If you are thinking about coming out to your parents, below are some tips to consider:

• Take your time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being closeted. Coming to terms with who you are can take time, so do not feel pressured to share this information with your parents if you are not ready to do so. While there is no “perfect” time to come out, you will know when you feel ready. If you feel comfortable with who you are and feel the urge to tell your parents, go for it. If not, take your time and think things through. Your coming out journey is precisely that… yours.

• Plan ahead.

Coming out to parents can be terrifying to some people. Although it is not pleasant to imagine, it is best to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Consider things like an exit strategy, having someone to call if you need emotional support, and choosing a public setting when you are ready to come out. On the other hand, you can also plan for a good outcome by being prepared to talk about your emotions or answering your parents’ follow-up questions.

• Come prepared.

Providing your parents with resources, reading material, or videos is an excellent way for you to come prepared. The chances are that you studied your sexual orientation or gender identity before fully understanding who you are. With that in mind, it is safe to assume that your parents will come with their own set of questions and concerns. Having resources ready to go when coming out to your parents can prevent any confusion or misunderstandings. For coming out resources, take a look at PFLAG.org, hrc.org, thetrevorproject.org, or glsen.org.

• Talk it out.

If you have LGBTQI+ friends, family members, or peers, go to them for advice on coming out to your parents. Talking to people who have already come out to their parents is an excellent way to learn tips and tricks. You can start these discussions by asking people questions, knowing what their coming out process was like, and going to them for advice based on your situation. Many people have come out to their parents before you, so do not be afraid to go to others for guidance.

• Get professional help.

There are therapists (like at Long Beach Therapy) who are there to help you process your feelings, can help you develop a plan for when/where/how to come out to your parents and can be a support for after you tell your parents.  Therapy is a good way to make sure you make it through the coming out process with as little mental health damage as possible.

Regardless of how or when you come out to your parents, make sure to do so on your terms. While no amount of preparation or research will guarantee a positive outcome, being prepared to come out to your parents will help you out in the long run. If things do not go according to plan, remember that your parents’ first reaction might not always be good, but people can change and evolve. If things go well, show your parents that you appreciate them and allow them to learn more about your life. No matter what, remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and who you are as a person.

If you live in California and are looking for a LGBTQ therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.