I find that a key to having a happy relationship is that couples have to be able to assume goodwill in the other person. They have to be able to get to the point where they believe that the other person overall means well so that when they are arguing, they can see the whole person and not just the part of their partner they aren’t liking at that moment.
When you are upset or arguing with your partner, keep two things in mind.
- What do you appreciate about them or what do they do for you? Maybe they have a kind heart, they can make you laugh when no one else can, they are really good to your kids, …. The list goes on.
- What do they put up with from you? No one is perfect, and some partners can deal with those imperfections better than others. What does your partner put up with from you? Do they do more housecleaning than you do, deal with your impossible parent(s), accept your quirks, they don’t mind that you fart in your sleep, …… The list goes on.
When you are thinking of these things WHILE you are arguing, most likely your non-verbal communication (tone, body language, etc.) is going to be calmer and more inviting, which is more likely to elicit a better response from your partner.
If you live in California and are looking for a couple’s therapist to improve your communication in your relationship, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.