This was supposed to be a holiday post, but I wasn’t able to post this one in time for Hannukah, so I’m calling this “tips to get through Christmas in one piece” instead of “how to get through the holidays in one piece”. So, here it goes….
The holidays are hard for a lot of people. It’s supposed to represent family, fun and relaxation, however the experience is often the opposite. If you have family obligations, it is probably too late to cancel or change plans, so these are some ideas to get you through.
Breathe!
Take 5 minutes here and there for yourself and just breathe! If you have to, go to the bathroom to escape and take a few minutes to collect yourself.
Focus on what you like about everyone
You have chosen to spend your holiday with “these people” for a reason. Whether it’s out of obligation or love, you have made a decision to be there. Focus on the parts of each person that you like. Even the most horrible people in the world have some redeeming qualities.
Make it a game
If you don’t like that your mom bosses you around, guess how many times she will boss you around today and then count throughout the day and see how close you get to the real number. If you have a relative who rolls their eyes at you, rate the eye roll. If it is an impressive one, give them a 10, if they could have put more effort into it, give them a 5. If it was horrible, give them a 0.
Control what you can and let go of the rest
If family members seem to make all of the decisions or boss you around, you can choose to not spend future holidays with them. Since this will take time to figure out, and Christmas is THIS WEEK, I would recommend doing what you can for yourself and going with the flow this one last time (unless there is abuse involved). In the meantime, use this as fuel to make changes in the future. Identify what you can control and what you can’t. For example, if everyone is planning on eating at 8pm and you are used to eating at 5pm, have a snack or a meal on your own and then either not eat later or eat something small.
Meet with a therapist to figure out what to do in the future
The holidays should be something you are looking forward to each year. If you aren’t having a good time around the holidays, a therapist can help you work on how to lower your stress, how to set boundaries with family members, and how to change your expectations. Perhaps you copy the “Friendsgiving” idea and celebrate on Christmas with your family but have a “real” Christmas by yourself or with friends.
This too shall pass
Even though they seem like they last forever, the holidays are only around for a limited time. Think about all of the things you are going to do when the holidays are over and then call a friend for support. Remember that you don’t have to continue to put yourself through this and that you can make a decision after the holidays about what you will do different in the future.
If you live in California and are looking for a therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.