Many people struggle with how to make Valentine’s Day special when you have been in a long-term relationship, have a full-time job, kids, and no time to plan. Well, if your relationship is important, you will need to carve out some time and get creative.
Be grateful
First things first. If you are in a relationship for Valentine’s Day, consider yourself lucky. Unless you are in an abusive relationship, you are in a position which most humans want to be in. As humans, we yearn for human connection and there are a lot of people out there who are envious of you having someone to celebrate with on Valentine’s Day. Don’t forget how lucky you are. If you are in an abusive relationship, stop reading this blog post and CLICK HERE.
Make Valentine’s Day whatever date works for you
Just because Hallmark and Nestle tell you that Valentine’s Day is on February 14th, doesn’t mean that you have to celebrate on that day. It is often cheaper, less crowded (easier to find a table) and easier to find childcare when you are flexible with the day. If you choose a date after Valentine’s Day, you also have more time to pick out a gift or make a gift (if that is what you like to do).
Make sure you communicate with your partner about what date you will celebrate so that they don’t think that you forgot about them. Plan when is convenient for BOTH of your schedules so that you can actually enjoy your time instead of trying to force “together time”.
Work around the kids
My kids are both teenagers so we don’t have to schedule around childcare to spend time together like we used to, however it wasn’t that long ago that childcare WAS a major consideration for me.
Planning Valentine’s Day for a different day is usually the easiest thing to do, but not the only choice.
Consider having a date with your partner AFTER the kids go to sleep. Put together a picnic or get a candle and massage oil and give your partner a massage.
If your kids are a little older and are safe being in a room by themselves, get a movie they would love to watch and turn it on so that you can your partner can go into the other room to have your date.
GET CREATIVE. If none of these things work, get a trial (free) gym membership, put the kids in the day care at the gym and go into the hot tub with your honey and have some alone time.
Commit
No matter what you have to do to spend with your partner, DO IT. If you have to take off from work while the kids are in school so that you can have a daytime date, if you have to get less sleep so that you can stay up late or wake up early to have a date, DO IT. Although you should be having a date night at least every single month, Valentine’s Day is something that reminds us all that we need to commit to our partner and continue putting effort into our relationship so that it doesn’t fizzle out.
If you aren’t happy in your relationship, COMMIT ANYWAY! You can initiate couples therapy or you can go to individual therapy to see if you want to continue in the relationship, but as long as you are in the relationship, my recommendation is to fully commit and do your part, even if you feel that your partner isn’t doing their part.
The emphasis is on HAPPY
I’ve been HAPPILY married for over 20 years and have also seen couples as a therapist for over 20 years. I have been in couples therapy as a client and as a therapist. When I look at my experience from all three of these angles, I gain a lot of insight that I am able to share with my clients. Not every single thing in your life or your relationship is going to make you happy all of the time, but you can surely look at all of your perspectives and choose the happiest narrative.
What do I mean by this? We don’t have control over what happens to us, but we have control over how we see those things and how we react towards those things. When you are frustrated with your partner, try to remember the things they put up with from you in your relationship. When you are able to see a fuller picture, you are often able to sink into the concept that no one has a perfect life, but there are people who are better/worse at seeing their life as being close to perfect or horrible.
If you live in California and are looking for a couple’s therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.