While people with eating disorders go out of their way to hide that they have a problem, it will eventually start to be noticed by friends and family. This is especially true with anorexia, where the drastic weight loss is simply something that cannot be effectively hidden. There are other clues to look for, too, and it is usually someone who is close to the person with the disorder who notices the subtle changes. When the problem has been identified, the next step is to lend support, which is where things can get a little tricky.
People who suffer from eating disorders engage in this unhealthy lifestyle for a variety of different reasons. Food can be used as a coping device, while for other, starving themselves or forcing themselves to be sick after eating is done in an attempt to maintain an unrealistic body image. The real reasons for each person doing what they do may only ever be discovered by a mental health professional but that doesn’t mean that you, as a friend or family member, cannot offer support to your loved one.
The easiest way to understand what they are going through is to do some research on the different kinds of eating disorders, as well as their likely causes. Once you can get a handle on why your loved one may have an unhealthy obsession with food, you can better understand how to broach the subject, and how to do it in a way that isn’t deemed as being judgmental. For example, you would never tell a person with anorexia or bulimia that they look skinny, as that will more than likely be perceived as a compliment. Instead, you would say that they look sickly, and ask if there is anything that you can do to make them feel better.
Persistence is going to have to be the key to success here, as the person with the eating disorder is most likely going to flat out deny that they have an issue, and they may even become angry and accusatory when you bring the subject up. This is where you have to let them know that you are not judging them, and that you are simply there for moral support. Make it clear that you are available to talk whenever they want to, and avoid getting into power struggles about food and eating. Check-in continually, though, and talk to them about seeking medical help for how unwell they look, again, not mentioning that food might be the issue.
The end goal should be to get your loved one to a doctor, as they can them diagnose exactly what sort of eating disorder is causing the problems. The doctor will more than likely recommend that a therapist be part of the treatment, as it’s only when you get to the heart of what is causing people to abuse food that you can really start to get them on the road to recovery.
If none of these things seem to help or if it feels like your concern is pushing your loved one away, think about talking with a therapist about how you might be able to help your loved one. Even if they don’t want to go to therapy, you can go yourself to find out ways to help them.
If you are in California and looking for a therapist, please reach out to us at 562-310-9741. At Long Beach Therapy we offer in-person therapy in Long Beach and online therapy to anyone living in California.