Should I have an open relationship or thrupple?
Things to keep in mind:
These are the 3 pillars of a successful open relationship:
Trust/honesty
communication
Everyone in relationship has to want it
Opening up your relationship requires A LOT Of conversation and it is important to overly communicate.
It is important that you ask about if there an equal desire by all people involved to have the relationship open up. It is harder to open a relationship when you have an established relationship rather than starting from the beginning, but couples successfully open their relationship up when they are aware of what is needed to have success in an open relationship.
Are you doing it because you want it or because your partner wants the open relationship and you don’t want to lose them?
Remember that there isn’t anything wrong with a partner asking for things in relationships and there is no global right/wrong in opening a relationship up, it is just a matter of how YOU feel about it and your partner feels about it. If you aren’t sure, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist about opening up your relationship before you make any decision to make sure YOU feel that it is what will fulfil your needs and create happiness.
Are there limits to the open relationship? I have clients who have different rules when opening up their relationship. These include: No rules at all, you can’t talk to the 3rd person about the relationship issues in your current relationship, limits about talking about your kids to the 3rd person, you can only see someone once, you can only see one gender, you can’t see exes, there can be no kissing, there can be no emotional connection, etc). Although rules are important so that no one gets hurt, there is no set of rules that is right for everyone.
Who will you share with that you are in open relationships?
It is important to talk about if you will tell friends and/or family (including kids) and how you may share information with them.
How will you feel?
Keep in mind how you might feel if the other person is able to meet a need you can’t meet for your partner. It is impossible a partner to meet 100% of their partner’s needs in a relationship. What are the things you aren’t able to meet? Are you okay with someone else meeting those needs for your partner?
Other considerations to think about:
- How often will you go out (be with) other people?
- Will you have protected sex and/or STD testing?
- Do you want to identify a period of time so that you can have a trial run to see how it goes?
- How often will you check in about how each are feeling about the relationship situation?
- Does it feel like a “please hold my hand as I walk away from you” or is it truly wanting an open relationship and you are happy in your current relationship?
- Should we go a couples therapist a few times to talk everything out and so we know how to support each other once our relationship is open?
We believe the best couple’s therapist is the one that both members of the couple feel safe with. That’s why we have several options for couple’s therapists at Long Beach Therapy for you to choose from. Give us a call at 562-310-9741 to see if you feel like we would be the best couples therapist for you and your partner.