How to deal with sadness after divorce and dealing with split custody?
When you are a parent, you are usually with your kids or waiting for them while they are doing something for much of their childhood. If they have a 45 minute art class that is 15 minutes away, usually you sit and wait while they are in the class so that your life is spent waiting on them whenever you aren’t actually with them.
Divorce and split custody it is different. When you have 30-70% custody and you spend all the time away from the kids just waiting for them to come back, there is a lot of time spent depressed and thinking about the time you are losing.
It is important to create another part of your life with that other 50% of the time you aren’t with your kids so that you have something to look forward to. You may not ever look forward to it as much as you look forward to seeing your kids, but it is still something to look forward to.
This isn’t so you are always distracted so you don’t feel the pain, it’s just building the other part of your life and also setting time aside to feel the pain of not having your kids 100% of the time (it’s a balance).
You ARE going to miss your kids and you ARE going to feel sad. It is important to feel those feelings, but to also feel happy feelings because your kids NEED TO SEE YOU HAPPY!! You can tell them you miss them, but if you spend your days away from them sad and crying in your room all day, you are going to carry that over to the time you do see them. If you spend your time away from them taking walks, meeting new friends, and getting into new hobbies, then when your kids are with you, you are happy, healthy and ready to hang out with them.
Another benefit of doing this is that the old saying “do what I say and not what I do” doesn’t generally work. We model for our kids how to exist in life. If you are modeling healthy living, they are more likely to choose healthy things in their life also.
If you are struggling with losing your kids, please think about setting up an appointment with a therapist (any therapist). At Long Beach Therapy, we offer online therapy and in-person therapy to work on gaining a life after divorce. If you would like to give us a call to set up an appointment, call Long Beach Therapy at 562-310-9741.