Number One Communication Tip From A Licensed Therapist in Long Beach
One of the most important communication tools for a relationship:
I have been in the therapy field for 30 years and witness a lot of avoidable arguments that stem from a well-meaning person reading the situation all wrong.
This is a typical argument that I witness as a therapist helping a couple with communication:
Person A wants help.
Person B is honored to be able to help
Person A talks
Person B “helps”
Person A is left feeling hurt and misunderstood
Person B is confused
This often occurs because Person A is looking for a specific type of support and Person B has no idea that there is something specific Person A needs. One of the most important communication tools for a relationship is:
Person B asking (prior to the conversation starting): “Do you want to vent or do you want advice?”.
—- And/or—-
Person A requesting: “Can you just listen to me vent about a situation?” or “Can you help me find solutions?”
Why is this so important?
When Person A is in situation and just wants to talk and Person B keeps coming up with solutions, oftentimes Person A comes to believe that Person B thinks they are stupid/ignorant/wrong because they keep offering ideas on what they could have done or what they should have done, when Person A just wants to share their experience and feelings. When Person B comes up with solutions, Person A is left feeling alone and not heard.
When Person A is in a situation and wants solutions and Person B keeps coming back with “that must have been hard” with no actual help, then Person A is left feeling that Person B is wasting their time when they need a quick solution.
Both of these situations can be avoided by asking what the person is looking for in the conversation. If you are asking this question and still getting it wrong (or “getting into trouble” from the other person), it may be time to set up a few appointments with a licensed therapist who helps with communication. At Long Beach Therapy, we help individuals and couples figure out what is going wrong in their communication and help with ideas to fix those issues. If you want more information or want to set up an in person appointment to work on communication issues (or an online appointment to work on communication issues), please call us at Long Beach Therapy at 562-310-9741 to see if we are a good fit for your situation.