How to make friends
Whether you have just moved to a new place, you are an introvert who wants more friends, you feel socially awkward so you don’t have friends, or for whatever other reason you might be looking to meet new friends, here are some tips that I have gathered over the 20+ years I have been a therapist in Long Beach.
Friendships is all about the MATH
If you tell a joke to 100 people and only 1% appreciate it, then tell that joke 500 times. That’s 5 friends. It’s really a numbers game and it is important to put yourself out there and eventually you will find people who you feel a mutual connection with.
Talk to People
Many people meet at work, at school and at the supermarket just by being friendly. Say hello to people as you walk by. If they have a dog, comment on the dog. Be aware of your surroundings because you might be passing by people who would start a conversation with you but you miss it because you are involved in something else (like making sure you got everything on your shopping list).
Make Eye Contact
Many people miss social cues that others give them. Non Verbal Communication is about 50-75% of all regular communication, but it is even more important when you are first meeting someone. If you make eye contact with someone and they maintain that eye contact, say hello. Remember the numbers game. Some people might think you are weird, but some people might engage with you and start a conversation.
Get involved
Join a meet up group, enroll in a local parks and recreation class, join a club or workout group. This presents a situation where you meet people who have at least one common interest as you do. It also puts you in situations where you can get to know someone with very little pressure.
Be yourself
You aren’t going to like (or connect with) every person you meet and other people might not always like you (or connect with you) either. Often people assume that everyone else in life has a great self-esteem and can meet people super easy and they are the only ones on earth who are weird/awkward. Although it is true that some people just have a natural gift of meeting people, that is not the truth for most of the population.
Be Safe
Make sure if you meet up with someone that it is in a public place.
It is also a good idea to tell someone (even your therapist) where you are meeting the person and details about the person so that if anything goes wrong, someone knows where you are at.
Always trust your gut feeling. If you don’t feel safe, leave the situation.
Work with a therapist
A therapist is trained in social skills and can help you identify areas you can work on. They can also help you develop social skills so that you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Often times it isn’t the world who is judging you, it’s you judging yourself. In therapy, you can learn to get out of your own way in life so that you can start enjoying life more.
If you live in California and are looking for a therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.
