How to help my partner and family get along better.

“My family doesn’t like my partner and I don’t know what to do” is something that many clients have come into therapy to work on with me in therapy.

Although there are no cookie cutter solutions to most issues, the most helpful piece of advice I can give you is that your spouse shouldn’t be seen as the bad guy with your family.   When your mom asks if you are coming home for Thanksgiving, don’t say “I will check with my partner” and then come back with a “no” every time.  Set it up so they don’t know it’s your partner saying “no”.

For example, if you think your spouse will say no, tell your family that you don’t think it will work.  If your partner says “no”, then you don’t have to come back to your family with an answer.  If your partner said “yes”, your family will think your partner talked you into it.

Another example: If you think your partner will most likely say “yes”, tell your family that you don’t know but that you will get back to them. Then come back to your family so that your partner can be the “yes” in decision.

If you aren’t sure what your partner might want, start with the “I’m pretty sure that won’t work, but let me check” and so hopefully your family will see your partner as someone who agreed with you, but didn’t make the decision themselves.

If you want your partner and family to get along better, consider scheduling a few appointments with a family therapist.  A therapist can help you figure out a plan that will work for your specific situation to help your partner and family get along better.  It can be just you and the therapist or you can bring your partner in with you.

If you live in California and are looking for a family therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.