5 Tips: “How To Save My Relationship”
Many people believe that once there is a loss of trust, loss of communication, or a loss of passion, that the relationship is over. This is not necessarily true. Relationships take work; hard work at that. There are simple things that you can do with your partner to help things along.
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Say more positive than negative.
Non-verbal communication is approximately 75% of the communication you relay to someone. If you say “I love you” or “thank you” in a sarcastic tone, for example, it takes away the entire meaning of the words. If you roll your eyes, grunt, turn away, count that as another negative. In a relationship, your positives should outweigh your negatives 20 to 1.
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Look at your partner in the eyes when you want them to listen.
Many relationships fail because one person (or both) does not feel heard by the other person. Most people don’t need to have you agree with them, they just want you to understand them or acknowledge what they think.
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Touch one another when you are in a disagreement or argument.
Unless there is some type of violence in the relationship, touch symbolizes a connection. It gives off the message: “I might not agree with you, but I am here with you and listening to what you have to say because I care”.
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Repeat back what you heard the other person say.
If you feel that you are not being heard, perhaps the other person feels the same way. When someone seems frustrated with you, repeat what they told you and ask if you got it right. Often times, in an argument, we spend so much time preparing our defense or attack that we don’t listen. We are just waiting for our partner to take a breath so we can attack with our words or our defense. LISTEN and perhaps your partner will return the gesture.
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Spend at least 1 night per week doing something intimate.
It does not have to be sex. Spend time giving each other a massage, playing cards by candle light, or taking a bath together.
Having children can complicate matters, and it is much more difficult to find time to do the above suggestions. Even though it is much harder to find the time, it is that much more important to do so. Many times, kids suck the life out of a relationship. It feels like a tag team parenting tournament rather than a marriage. For more information on strengthening a relationship when children are involved, go to “5 Tips: Help Our Relationship Survive Our Children”.
If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.