Take Control of Your Own Life Instead of Trying to Change Other People
In order to survive and thrive, a positive outlook on life is essential. This can be tough to do, as we all go through rough patches in life that we simply have to wait out until the good times return once more. These tough stretches can be in your personal life, at work, or brought on by other events that seem to be totally out of your control. What you have to remember is that you are in total control of how you choose to perceive these times. You can sit around and mope or complain about what is happening, or you can choose to try and find some positives among the negativity. That latter option is harder to pull off, but you can start by asking yourself the following two questions:
- Are my thoughts TRUE to my situation?
- Are those thoughts actually HELPING make things better?
For many, perception is reality, which is why negative thoughts can make matters seem worse than they are. If there is TRUTH to your thoughts, but nothing HELPFUL contained in them, considering changing them with things that are both TRUE and HELPFUL.
Example: I recently spent what felt like an eternity waiting to enter a major highway. Just as my opening came, another driver cut me off and took my spot. I was already running late, as I was not expecting to hit this type of traffic, and being cut off in such a manner only meant that I would be later still. Rather than shaking off the incident, I allowed it to stay with me, causing me to become increasingly frustrated throughout the course of the day. Every person I spoke to that day was forced to listen to my story, and I found that my anger and frustration grew with each re-telling. When I took some time to think about it, I realized that the driver in the other car was probably going about his business without giving the incident a single moment of thought. Why then was I doing the exact opposite?
This story is the perfect example of how your whole day can be ruined by others, but only because you have ALLOWED it to happen.
THE OLD THOUGHT PROCESS: When I was cut off by the driver I started to make assumptions about his character. I believed him to be an egomaniac who had no concern for anyone other than himself. I imagined him as someone who flaunted the rules with reckless abandon.
QUESTION: Were any of these thoughts TRUE?
ANSWER: Perhaps, but I will never know.
QUESTION: Were these thoughts HELPFUL to me?
ANSWER: Definitely not!!
THE NEW THOUGHT PROCESS: Perhaps the driver of the other car was in an emergency situation that required him to get somewhere fast. Maybe he is just a ball of negative energy that is best avoided.
QUESTION: Are these thoughts TRUE?
ANSWER: Perhaps.
QUESTION: Were these thoughts HELPFUL to me?
ANSWER: Absolutely!!
Both ways of thinking have answers that might or might not be true, but it is only the latter that is actually HELPFUL. The new way of thinking allows me to get over the incident quickly and move on with my day without it being ruined. This approach leaves the negative energy with the other person, allowing me to get on with my day in way that does not have a negative impact on me or any of the other people I encounter during the course of the day.