Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ suicide this week has left a lot of people with heavy hearts. Questions like “how could TWitch commit suicide when he had it all”, “why would someone like TWitch take his own life”, “how can someone who seems so happy choose to end their life”, and “why would TWitch kill himself when he has such a great family and finances and someone like Brittany Griner fought to be alive in such a hopeless situation”?
Before I go on any further, I want to make sure that if you are reading this and are thinking about suicide, please call the suicide hotline by calling 9-8-8 from any phone within the USA. The person you hear on the other end of the phone has most likely been in your situation or is someone who has experienced a loved one who took their own life. Many of these people are volunteers who spend their free time on the suicide hotline because they are caring and kind people who want to be there for you. It isn’t a job they hate showing up for, it is a passion that they have volunteered their time to do because it brings them fulfillment to help other people.
So, on with the blog post….
It is important to keep in mind that you can’t compare two situations or two people because you have no idea their history, past trauma, or their chemical makeup in their body/brain. When someone is hurting internally, they are hurting and that is the end of the story. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like there is a rhyme or reason for it, but they are still hurting. This makes it even scarier because most of us think that we have an idea of who is on solid ground around us and who is struggling. When someone like TWitch or Robin Williams choose to end their lives, it baffles a lot of people.
I am a mental health therapist and I don’t have any sort of inside information about TWitch, but I do know people and I do know mental health struggles. It isn’t always the person who is laying in bed or crying every day who commits suicide. Sometimes it is the rock that just can’t handle one more thing or the person who puts on a happy face and doesn’t share their struggles who choose to end it all. There are people who put on a happy face every single day and don’t let the world in (and sometimes don’t let family and friends in) to their agony. In these situations, it is often one “little thing” that can set someone in a tailspin. The straw that broke the camel’s back is a popular saying because it is true. It could very well be that TWitch felt like he had it under control when he had that last interview with Jennifer Hudson or he made that TikTok video the day before he chose to end it. It could also be that he was struggling and was very talented at acting and showing everyone what they want to see; a happy and upbeat person.
This is a reminder that it is important to check in on the people around you, even when you think everything for them is going well. If you know someone who is struggling and they won’t go to therapy to get help, YOU can always go to therapy to learn how to help them.
If you are reading this because you are thinking about ending your own life, please read all of the stories of people like Anthony Anderson who talk about that the best part of their life happened after they chose to live. I help so many clients who (after being in therapy) are so glad that they chose to stay on this Earth and work towards happiness.
If you are struggling, please reach out to a therapist to get help (If you live I California, call 562-310-9741). Please reach out to a suicide hotline to get help (if you live in the USA, call 9-8-8). People who work at crisis hotlines and suicide hotlines often volunteer their time because they have a passion for helping others. Perhaps they were in the situation at some point and want to help someone else or perhaps they had someone they know who committed suicide and they want to be there for someone else. People go into being a therapist and answering a suicide hotline because they care. You are not a burden to them and they want to help you.
Until you are ready to talk to a therapist, here are some things you can try to make yourself feel a little better
(Sometimes, just getting your mind off of all the negative can help and these can serve as distractions for you so you aren’t hyper focused on the negative):
- Engage in self-care activities, such as taking a warm shower, getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy meals, and exercising regularly.
- Spend time with friends and loved ones, or reach out to someone you trust for emotional support. Tell someone “I’m struggling and need to talk” or “I’m struggling but I’m not ready to talk”.
- Practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.
- Engage in activities that bring you joy and bring a sense of accomplishment, such as hobbies or creative pursuits.
- Call a talk line. Google “talk line near me” so you can just vent or have a caring human being on the other end of the phone.
- Engage in activities that promote a sense of purpose or meaning, such as volunteering or helping others.
- Try to focus on the present moment and engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as taking a walk in nature or practicing gratitude.
- Seek out social support and participate in activities that promote a sense of connection and community.
- Set SMALL goals and work towards achieving them, as a sense of accomplishment can boost your mood and self-esteem.
- Seek out opportunities for learning and personal growth, as this can help you feel more fulfilled and confident in yourself.
- Make a change in your life that might make you a little happier.
If these don’t work try talking to a therapist if you are struggling with mental health issues or if your feelings of depression, anxiety, or being overwhelmed persist. If you are thinking of ending your life, getting therapy can’t hurt your situation.
Remember that you are not alone and there are a lot of people out there who care. Sometimes you have to sift through the cady, mean, and self-centered people, but you will eventually find someone who really does care about YOU.