How do I explain a gay family member to my kids?
A lot of people seem to have this question, however typically kids are okay with what their parents are okay with. So, unless they ask, you don’t have to explain it. If you were going to visit your straight relative who has a heterosexual relationship, you most likely wouldn’t explain anything to them and you wouldn’t prepare them for anything. That is the same thing as if you are visiting a relative who is in the LGBTQ community. You would mention the same topics to your child as if the person was straight (such as: “I heard Henry is dating someone new”, or “I heard Henry’s girlfriend/boyfriend is nice, I’m looking forward to meeting them”). This allows you to set the tone in how they view any relationship and how they treat any person in your family or a person a family member might be dating.
LGBTQ couples/people have the same strengths and struggles as any other couple. Both heterosexual and LGBTQ couples can choose to have biological kids, some adopt kids, some get married, some don’t get married, some are fun, some are boring, some are doctors, some are teachers, some are good with kids, and some don’t like kids.
Generally, the only issue that your child will have with an LGBTQ family member is an issue that you have taught them to have with the family member. If your kids have issues, think about how you talk in front of them about people who are different than your family and how you treat people who are different than your family. The phrase “do what I say and not what I do” has never worked as a parenting technique. Kids watch what you do and how you treat others because they want to be like you because they love you. If they are hearing from kids at school derogatory things about other people, your behavior will often correct their experiences because they value your beliefs. If they seem like they are getting a lot of negative messages from other people, then sit down and have a talk with them about your family values and how to treat other people with respect. This can benefit them in more ways than simply just accepting other people. When you teach your kids your family values and to be strong in those family values, they will be less likely to participate in other activities because of peer pressure (for example using drugs because their friends are using drugs).
The fact that you have continued reading this blog post would be a signal to me that you care about your kids. THAT is a very good start (caring).
If you still have questions, please feel free to call to set up an appointment. If you can’t make it to the office, but you live in California, this is something that can usually be talked about on skype / facetime therapy. If you are looking for a therapist in Long Beach, coming into the office is an option as well.