How Can I Help My Transgender Child?
Above and beyond anything, be supportive if your child is showing signs of being a transgender person. Many times parents will take on the blame, believing they did something to make their child this way. There is nothing further from the truth. Your child is facing his or her own internal conflicts and questions. They are not doing this to upset you or make a rebel stance. Understand, you didn’t do anything wrong and you cannot reverse the feelings your child is going through. Always keep communication wide open, listen and support your child. Get involved in therapy and communicate your thoughts and feelings with your spouse and be supportive of each other.
If your son wants to wear a dress or your daughter wants to dress like a boy, it can be a shock, but remember how much you love your child and want what is best for them. Trying to get them to “dress to their gender” is the farthest thing from support and love. This only confuses them more. If you want your child to be confident people and to turn out the way they were meant to be, THEMSELVES, then you need to support your child in their journey to find themselves. Children who are forced to subscribe to social norms often become depressed, anxious and this can lead to them being suicidal. In fact, transgender people are among the highest risk group in terms of their risk of suicide. You can reduce and/or eliminate this statistic by simply loving them for who they are. It is not a choice they are making, it is simply them trying to be true to who they are.
They are going to have to overcome obstacles along the way, and if you stand up for them, support them and stay in communication with them, they will be much more likely to experience a less difficult path to travel. There are no blueprints for parenting any child, including for transgender children, but if your child knows you love them, unconditionally, they will figure out what they must do and have a great start for the rest of their lives.
Should you seek advice from a doctor or therapist, make sure they have experience with transgender people. It is not your job to teach your doctor or therapist about the topic. If you are not getting the responses or a good feeling regarding a particular therapist, find someone else. When you call to set up an appointment ask them how much experience they have. Once you find that perfect fit, talk to them about how you feel and about supporting your child.
Keep in mind, your child is still that great person who has amazing qualities and who loves you very much. Gender expression does not alter or change that fact.
Self-care: While you are trying to be the best parent you can be, you also may have your own issues, your own feelings and your own fears. It is important to see a therapist, not only to help your child through their journey, but to get support in your journey. Often parents feel like they have “lost their child”. They dreamed of walking their daughter down the aisle, and now “she” might be a “he”. Remember that the dreams you have for your straight, gay, or transgender child are YOUR dreams. If you dreamed that your straight son will become a doctor and make lots of money, but instead becomes a financially struggling, but happy artist; this is an adjustment you have to make to your dream. If you dreamed that you would walk your daughter down the aisle, maybe you need to have a new dream of seeing them happy. You may have “lost” a daughter but you have gained a “son”, and a happy one at that.