Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from the sex that they were assigned at birth. According to the Williams Institute, 1.4 million adults identify as transgender in the United States. When it comes to youth ages 13 to 17, that number is around 150,000.
During their childhood, children face numerous processes and changes in their bodies. What can make growing up even more difficult is if they begin to realize that they are not feeling comfortable in their body. They can suppress their need to express themselves if they feel that it is something that the family will not understand and support. That is why in the whole process, the support they receive, especially of the parents, is extremely important.
It is common for children to be given certain things, such as coloring books, games and toys, which are traditionally considered male or female. So, boys should love the color blue, toy cars and sports, while girls should love the color pink, dolls and playing in the kitchen. If your child wants to play with toys that “do not belong” to them, this could be the first opportunity to support them. Instead of imposing toys they don’t like, forbidding them to play with toys they like and making them feel ashamed, you can support them by letting them choose to play with what they enjoy. That way, you send them a message from an early age that they are amazing just the way they are. So the next time you think of buying your child a toy, consider taking them with you and allowing them to choose. Don’t guide them to a specific spot in the toy section, just direct them to the toy section.
Toys that children play with are not necessarily an indication that they are transgender, but allowing children to choose what toys they want to play with encourages them to feel good about who they are. This is helpful no matter if they are in the LGBTQI community or not.
My recommendation is to take this advice and use it for any decision that involves gender stereotypes. Kids should be allowed to pick out their own clothes, their own hairstyle and the toys they can play with.
What needs to be further emphasized here is the readiness to face negative comments from society. It is very important to stand up in defense of your child, in order for them to feel protected and supported. “Standing up for your child” can simply be not throwing them under the bus. If someone says “why is your son wearing a dress, you don’t have to get defensive, you just have to defend your child. Saying something like “because that is what is most comfortable” can support/defend your child without making a big deal out of it.
Finally, when they get to a certain age, talk openly with them. It is necessary for them to feel that they have someone to turn to, and to know that someone will always be there for them to listen to and understand. Of course, parents are not medical experts, whose involvement will be necessary at some point, but it is important that children feel that they are not alone in the whole process and that they have someone who will always be there for them.
Supporting transgender children is extremely important, because otherwise misunderstanding and rejection can leave deep mental consequences, which can lead to depression and even suicide. To avoid that, we need to follow the signs that say that our child is different and to react to them adequately, so that children can express their diversity in the right way and therefore live fulfilled lives in the future.
If you live in California and are looking for a trans-friendly therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.