Should I come out to my family?

This article is for anyone in the LGTBQ+ community.

As a therapist, I often work with individuals who are considering coming out to their family. It can be a difficult and intimidating process, and it’s important to consider what is best for you and your own well-being. Here are a few things to consider when deciding whether to come out to your family:

Consider your safety:

It’s important to consider your physical and emotional safety when coming out.  If you live with the person you are coming out to or that person helps you financially, you have to decide if you would be okay financially if you got kicked out of the house, or they stopped helping you financially or if they made it so uncomfortable to live there, that you no longer feel emotionally safe.   Although talking to a trusted friend or family member might help you gauge the probability of this happening, a therapist can help you navigate the decision and how to be as emotionally and physically safe as possible.

Reflect on your reasons for coming out:

Are you feeling pressure from friends or someone you are dating to come out, or are you doing it for yourself? It’s important to remember that they might be thinking of ideal situations that would allow you to be your authentic self and not truly considering the cost. It is important to be true to yourself and to come out when you are ready.  A therapist can help you emotionally prepare for coming out or staying in the closet, depending on what you ultimately decide is in your best interest.

Think about your relationships:

While it’s not possible to predict with 100% accuracy how they might react, it may be helpful to think about how you want to handle different scenarios and what boundaries you want to set. It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to take your time and come out on your own terms and it’s also okay if you have had enough of pretending and you are ready to set your authentic self completely free.

If you think you may lose a family member over simply being yourself, it may be time to talk to a therapist.  At Long Beach Therapy, we have LGTBQ+ therapists (and allies) who can help you figure this sort of thing out so that you can live your truth (and not what someone else wants you to be).

Seek support:

Talk to your supportive friends and family members, check out if there is a local LGBTQI+ center nearby that may offer support in the forms of peer groups or activities.  Sometimes just being around other LGBTQI+ people where you can be yourself is healing.

Ultimately, the decision to come out to your family is a personal one, and it’s important to do what feels right for you. Remember, it’s okay to take your time and come out on your own terms and it is also okay to burst out of the closet because you can’t stand it one more second.